Rita's Wedding Planning & Coaching Blog

Weddings & this Economy

Rita Smircich — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:47:00 GMT

I am presently working with a couple who are facing some very tough financial decisions regarding their wedding. The majority of their family lives in Florida and their wedding is in New Jersey. Approximately 40 people from Florida told the bride that they will not be able to attend the wedding because of their financial situation. Several have lost jobs, another few have their home in foreclosure. The bride was in tears and called me to help her.

The first place we started was at the reception venue. The banquet hall is requiring they guarantee 100 guests at their wedding. And the guest list -- with stretching it -- will have 55 guests coming. So we went together to the banquet hall and asked to renegotiate their contract. The banquet manager, of course, was not happy about this request. Since the wedding is in October of this year, the couple could cancel (lose some money) but find another venue. And the banquet manager would have no booking for that date. The end result was the banquet manager agreed to make the minimum 75 people. Now the couple can go to their backup guest list and invite some friends and co-workers to make up the 75 people, if they wished.

They also canceled the videographer and will only have the photographer. They've reduced the number of musicians from 7 down to 5. And she is being more conservative with her flowers. Instead of having exotic imported flowers, she is having flowers that are in season in October.

If you're faced with difficult decisions planning your wedding, you are not alone. There are several ways to cut your costs. You just have to give up some of the frills. Remember, the main purpose of the wedding is getting married, not the decorations or flowers.

Blogging, like breaking up, is so hard to do!

Rita Smircich — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:51:00 GMT

I'm been negligent on not blogging often enough. Between work, writing, meetings, family, life.....well, enough excuses! I'm back to blogging and hopefully you all will enjoy my entries.

I've created a Wedding Planning Workshop - How To Plan Your Wedding Without A Wedding Planner. It's an intensive 2 1/2 hour seminar that covers everything from creating a mind map (breaking down the wedding into categories) to deciding on your "Must Haves!" for your wedding, to how to create your wedding within your budget. Plus comparision sheets to use when visiting vendors, how to Spluge! or Spend! or Save! at your wedding.

I've also been quoted in 3 recent articles on CNN.com, Emerald Coast Bridal Magazine, and WeightWatchers.com. So I've been busy! Still no excuse for not blogging.

If you've got an interest in attending one of my Wedding Planning Workshops, drop me an email and we'll chat. Rita@ToDoBeforeIDo.com.

Rita

Too Hot for Church!

Rita Smircich — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 12:21:00 GMT

At a recent wedding in the foothills of South Carolina, a wedding was almost postpond because of the extreme heat. The 150+ year old stone building didn't have air conditioning and the temperature outside was over 100 degrees. Flowers as well as the attendees were wilting. A guest went to a local convenience store and purchased 2 cases of bottled water to give out to the people waiting for the ceremony to start.

At the last minute the Mass that was planned was canceled, as that would have been almost an hour long. Instead a 7 minute ceremony was performed. This experience is a very important lesson to remember when planning your wedding during the summer months or at a very hot destination. Be sure that the venue is air conditioned. If not, have a back up plan for either fans to be brought in, or another location that is air conditioned. The bride was very upset that she could not have the ceremony she had planned. But she and the groom also didn't heed warnings from their wedding planner.

See my entry on a fake cake -- another way to get around extreme heat!

A great compliment!

Rita Smircich — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 14:06:00 GMT

I recently worked a small wedding in New Hampshire. It was a second marriage for both the bride and the groom. Although the immediate feelings by them both was they've "done this before," they called me for guidance. They referred to my book and phone consultations on planning their intimate gathering. I attended the wedding and during the traditional toasts to friends and family, the bride made a toast to me! I was shocked. Tears were streaming down her face as well as mine. It was one of the greatest compliments I've ever received as a wedding and event planner. She and her husband were not overwhelmed by the many details involved with planning a wedding. They created a mind map and a tickler file and referred to both on a daily basis. And although they've "done this before" there were many things they had not remembered. Also, the wedding coaching section in the beginning of the book helped them tremendously. They had forgotten all the important things they needed to discuss before sharing a life together as husband and wife. Because they followed my book they were able to get through the many details quickly and had time to relax and enjoy the last few days before their wedding. I'm still floating from this experience!

Feature Writer

Rita Smircich — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 22:33:00 GMT

I've recently been asked to be a Feature Writer for WedNet.com. Check them out! They have a lot of great tips on planning your wedding. I will be publishing some of my War Stories, Heads-Ups!, and Articles with them. So check out their web site and let me know what you think. Rita@ToDoBeforeIDo. com. Happy Labor Day!

A fake wedding cake!

Rita Smircich — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 00:58:00 GMT

I recently worked with a couple that was having their wedding reception outdoors in California -- in the heat! We needed to find a way to have a wedding cake for 300 people that would not wilt. Solution: We ordered a fake wedding cake!

Some florists and bakers create fake display cakes built on a foam base and frosted with display icing. The display icing is made with a spackle-like compound that looks soft and very real after it dries. A three-tier fake cake will weigh only about two or three pounds. (Important tip: Make sure the display icing does not contain sugar, or you'll attract insects.)

The baker also created a real one-tier cake for the cutting-of-the-cake ceremony. Shortly before the ceremony, the servers removed the fake cake. Then they presented the real cake to the bride and groom. The guests never knew that the single tier the bride and groom were cutting was not from the cake that had been displayed and admired throughout the reception. The guests were served from a sheet cake that had been kept cool in the kitchen.

This fake cake idea can be used for anniversary parties, reunions, large birthday parties, or any special event. And then you can keep the fake cake as a memento of the event!

!

Travel Tips

Rita Smircich — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 13:43:00 GMT

If you and your new spouse have been living together for a while you might consider the following. Newlyweds, who often have new and attractive under garments, might not relate to these tips.

Pack old underwear when you travel. Everyone has underwear that has elastic that is gone, or a hole or two. Accumulate old underwear during the year and keep them in a separate drawer or box and save them for when you travel. You can also pack old socks or old undershirts if you're going to a cooler climate.

At the end of a day instead of putting your dirty underwear and socks into a laundry bag, throw them out! If you're going to be gone for 2 weeks, that's a minimum of 14 pairs of underpants or 28 pairs for two of you, plus undershirts and socks. That will be a lot of room in your luggage at the end of the trip. More room for souvenirs!!

But don't be surprised if housekeeping removes the clothes from the garbage can and places them on your bed. This has happened to me several times in poorer countries where they would never throw out what looks to be perfectly good clothing.

Hostile parents?

Rita Smircich — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:28:00 GMT

Hostile parents? Well, you just have to sit down with them - separately - and tell them that this is your day and not theirs; It would mean the world to you if they would not mess it up. Ask them to be grown-ups and put their differences aside for you. This is not always easy, and often one parent threatens not to come to the wedding. That would be a very sad outcome of their bad behavior. But remember, this is the time in your life when you are breaking off from your parents and starting a new family. I'm not saying you should cut them out of your life, but you must be strong and not let one parent use you as a pawn against the other.

Wedding Bands

Rita Smircich — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 15:57:00 GMT

Wedding ceremonies can be single-ring, in which only the bride is given a wedding band, or double-ring, in which the bride and groom both receive wedding bands. Most ceremonies today are double-ring.

When you buy your ring(s), consider the following:

* The bride will often wear her engagement ring with the wedding band. The two rings should look good together. They may even be bought as a set.
* Wedding bands are usually made from gold, although they can also be made from platinum, silver, or white gold. Try on a few to see which you like best.
* If you are having a double-ring ceremony, it is nice to have the rings match, with the groom's ring a larger version of the bride's.

Many couples like to have their rings engraved. The most common message is the names or initials of the bride and groom, along with the date of the wedding. I had my husband's ring engraved: To Larry from Rita (date). Other messages may include expressions of love, fidelity, constancy, or the eternal nature of their vows. Remember that engraving takes time; make sure to order your rings well ahead of the date of your wedding

Table names

Rita Smircich — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 22:49:00 GMT

Instead of numbering tables, a couple named each table after a destination they had traveled to. Each table had a large sign in a table number holder giving its destination name and a photo album that served as a guest book, as well. For example, one table was 'Rome.' On the front cover of the 5" x 7" photo album was a picture of the couple standing in front of the Coliseum. Inside the album were another four or five photos of them on vacation in Rome. The back pages were blank for the guests at the Rome table to write their greetings to the couple.

If you want to be very creative, you can have a cut-out of a landmark from each destination, instead of the name. The landmarks would have to be instantly recognizable, though, so your guests don't have to play a guessing game. So for France, use the Eiffel Tower; for Italy, the Coliseum; for Greece, the Parthenon, for the United States, the Empire State Building...you get the picture.

Postponed wedding

Rita Smircich — Tue, 29 May 2007 16:13:00 GMT

I was recently working with a bride and groom who have decided to postpone their wedding. They just met a few months ago and they realized they need more time to get to know each other. This was a very difficult decision for them to make. It effected their perspective on marriage and it tarnished their enthusiasum. At one point they said they should go ahead with their wedding because they've already spent money as deposits on the hall, the photographer, the flowers, the cake and her gown. But after talking through these feelings they realized that they're not getting married because of money, but because of their love for each other. So they've pushed their wedding off until early next year. Now the pressure to create a big wedding in less than 2 months is lessened and they have time to plan a wedding that they will enjoy creating.

If your wedding has been postponed, or you are seriously thinking about postponing it, don't let the fact that you have deposits out there stop you from making a potentially life-changing decision. Seriously think about all the factors involved in planning the wedding. If you love each other now, you will love each other 6, 8, 10, or 12 months from now. Postponing a wedding takes maturity and guts. Good luck.

On The Road Again.....

Rita Smircich — Tue, 08 May 2007 15:34:00 GMT

Hi all -- I just got back from the west coast of Florida planning not one, not two, not three, but four weddings!! Three are in the same family and one is a distant relative of that family. Can you imagine being the mother of the bride and three of your daughters are getting married within a month's time! The poor woman! So I spent two weeks with them visiting venues, selecting menus, picking out wedding dresses, favors, invitations, and listened to a lot of music. I'm exhausted but it was great fun. We all kept our sense of humor throughout the process. The weddings will be all across the country starting in Reno on July 7, California on July 21, August 25 in Naples, Florida and another one in Naples, Florida in October. So that family is in high gear getting their weddings planned. I feel very blessed to have been called to help with these weddings.

To help you through the wedding planning process, read my book To Do Before "I Do". All four brides have a copy and are following it planning their weddings. They were very shocked and sometimes amused, when I did wedding coaching with them. There's a section in my book about what you need to talk about with your future spouse before getting married.

Remember, don't just plan a wedding. Plan a marriage. Rita Smircich

Wedding Favors

Rita Smircich — Tue, 08 May 2007 15:33:00 GMT

Wedding Favors

Your guests will enjoy taking home a wedding favor, to remind them of you and your wedding. The favors are usually placed at each table setting. They can range from a trinket to a champagne bottle etched with the happy couple's names. The cost can be as little as $1.00 or as much as $50.00 per person. The favor is a token of your appreciation for the guest, for coming to witness and share your day. It should not be something so expensive that it tarnishes the meaning of a favor. If you give your guests a gift that cost more than the gifts they gave you, they might feel embarrassed.

Of course, your budget and the formality of the wedding will dictate the cost of the favor. Some favors I've seen that have worked well are:

* Small champagne bottles, with the bride's and groom's names etched on the bottle.
* Sterling silver candy dish.
* Home-made jams in small jars, with the bride's and groom's names on the label.
* Cookie cutter attached to a recipe card.
* Hand-embroidered napkins.
* Wine-bottle stoppers.
* Heart-shaped measuring spoons.
* Plants.
* Candles.
* Picture frames.
* Coaster sets.
* Custom-made Hershey(r) Bars with wrappers featuring a photograph of the bride and groom. The bars were wrapped in a clear cellophane bag and tied with a silk ribbon.

Where Do I Find an Officiant?

Rita Smircich — Tue, 01 May 2007 19:50:00 GMT

For religious ceremonies:
* The clergy at your place of worship
* Member or friend of the family
* The clergy associated with your university, military base, or other affiliation
* Unitarian Society
* Society of Friends (Quaker tradition)
* Recommendations from family and friends

For civil ceremonies:
* Justice of the Peace (www.findajp.com)
* American Humanist Association
* Elected official
* Official licensed to perform weddings (possibly a ship's captain)
* Recommendations from family and friends.

Be Prepared

Rita Smircich — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:19:00 GMT

One July, I was working a wedding reception held on the town beach in a pavilion. Hurricane Isabelle was out in the Atlantic, and there was a possibility that it would hit land. I called the Town Hall and asked if the toilets at the facility were on pumps or the city sewer system. After a long pause, the clerk said that no one had ever asked that question! I told her we were having a wedding there that coming Saturday and needed to know what would happen if the power went out. Would the toilets still function without electricity? She told me they were on the city sewer system, and we would be fine. I did arrange for a back-up venue, though, in case the original once was damaged by the hurricane. Next, I called a string band and had them on backup, just in case the power went out. Then I purchased hundreds of candles. The hurricane passed us, but it kicked up a lot of sand and dirt. I was glad I had two custodians on call to clean the boardwalk around the pavilion and to wash the oversized windows. Which they did after receiving a very hefty tip.

Catering Halls

Rita Smircich — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 13:26:00 GMT

Catering halls are set up to handle weddings, but unless the hall is small, you run the risk of having two or three other weddings going on at the same time at the same venue. Sometimes, if one of the other weddings is less interesting than yours, guests will peek in and even join in the dancing with your own guests. So if you see folks you don’t know on the dance floor, better get the manager. Better yet – get your event planner to get the manager!

When you visit possible catering halls, make sure you ask the same questions you would for restaurants. Also try to find out how many other events would be there at the same time and whether the facilities are soundproofed and sufficiently staffed to handle all the events. Go to my website ToDoBeforeIDo.com for web features that you can download and use when visiting venues.

A Home Wedding

Rita Smircich — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 13:47:00 GMT

A home can be a wonderful place to hold a wedding reception… and it’s very traditional. Before catering halls and large venues became the norm, brides usually had their wedding receptions at their parents’ home. Today, weddings at home can be as organized as weddings held in a restaurant or catering hall. Here are a few things you need to consider when you’re thinking about having your reception at home.

1. Expenses. Compare the expenses of having the reception at home vs. the expenses of a catering hall or restaurant.

2. Possible problems and issues. Consider that you would be opening your home to a group of people, some of whom you might not know well. There could be breakage or damage to the furnishings or theft of personal possessions.

3. If you have household pets, I strongly recommend that you arrange for them to be boarded for the day.

4. You must lock up expensive jewelry, small antiques, or anything of value.

5. Consider hiring an undercover officer, who, pretending to be a guest, can generally be aware of what’s happening at the party.

6. Have your septic system pumped before and after the party to avoid flooding the system. If you are having over 30-40 people, consider renting portable toilets; if you are on well water and your toilets flush by pump, definitely get portable toilets.

7. Hire someone to continually clean the bathrooms and install new toilet paper, as needed.

8. If you are planning to put up a tent, call your local utilities, who will mark your property to indicate the underground locations of the electrical, gas, telephone, cable television and other wires.

9. Be prepared for an emergency. And think worse case scenario.

10. If your area is having a dry spell or in a drought, your well could run dry or the water supply could be restricted.

11. Have plenty of candles on hand in case the power goes out, or consider renting a generator.

12. Talk to the band about what would happen if the power went out. Can any of them play without acoustics?

There are many other tips, details and ideas in my book To Do Before "I Do" as well as on my web site. Look under "Web Features" for additional tips on having a wedding at home. Happy planning!

Tossing the garter!

Rita Smircich — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 12:08:00 GMT

I was recently on a live com-cast interview www.JoeLive.TV (click on green arrow and scroll down to April

4, 2007.) During the interview, I received a text message asking if I knew the history behind tossing

the bride’s bouquet and garter. I honestly didn’t know , but I’ve done some research.

Tossing the bride’s garter started in the 13th and 14th centuries in France. At that time, it was

considered lucky to receive a piece of the bride’s clothing. Quite often, brides had their wedding gowns

torn by their guests, who were trying to capture a piece of her clothing. To protect herself, the bride

began the custom of tossing pieces of her personal attire to the guests, including her garter. That

tradition has changed, and today it is a way of the groom saying that this is “his woman!” and you other

men can’t have her!

The bridal bouquet is traditionally tossed only to single women. The lucky fellow who catches the garter

places it on the leg of the woman who catches the bouquet. Both the man and the woman are by tradition

said to be the next to get married, but not necessarily to each other.

Today, though, the traditions of tossing the garter and the bouquet have become so rowdy, dangerous, and

(for the garter toss) embarrassing to the bride, that many couples choose not to do either. In fact,

many bandleaders that I work with include a hold harmless clause in their contract if the couple wants to

include a garter or bouquet toss. They do not want to be responsible in case a guest is seriously

injured.

If a bride wants to toss her bouquet, I recommend that she prepare a dozen or so small bouquets that she

tosses all at once. This way, many women receive a small bouquet, and there is less risk of young girls

(and some older women, too!) being trampled.

I suggest to couples that, before including either a garter or bouquet toss, they consider the size of

their wedding, the average age of their guests, and whether or not this activity would be appropriate.

Holiday sharing

Rita Smircich — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 19:02:00 GMT

Before you get married be sure to discuss where you're going to be spending holidays. This weekend is the Easter holiday, and Passover was this past weekend. Before you get married, be sure to discuss with your future spouse where you're spending the holidays that are important to you and your families. I suggest that you make a calendar of the year's holidays and "divvy" up where you'll be spending the holidays that year. And send each family a copy of that calendar so everyone is on the "same page" before the fighting and/or hard feelings start. Happy Easter!

The timing of your ceremony.

Rita Smircich — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 11:34:00 GMT

A main consideration when planning the timing of your day is: How far apart are the times and the venues for the ceremony and the reception? If you’re planning to get married at high noon, but the reception isn’t until 6:00 p.m., don’t be surprised if the ceremony venue is not full. Many times, people are not willing to get dressed to go to a ceremony if they’re going to have to wait around for five hours before the reception. And if the ceremony is close in time to that of the reception, try not to have long driving distances between the two venues. In terms of timing, the best scenario is to have the ceremony and the reception at the same location. You’ll have a captive audience…but you might not satisfy many familial or cultural demands.